i am challenged

i am challenged.
i am here.
i am where i have always
wanted to be and did not know.
i feel responsible.
i feel the pressure.
i feel motherhood and
the reasons i make things grow.
from plants and fruits of the garden,
to children and imaginations, i manage
to weave an a wonderful life with
many expectations.

levi

you are at my breast,
and cannot thank God enough.
my family complete,
and growing, now just the pruning
to begin.

breakdown.
immovable.
i feel heavy.
the urge to shut down,
tighten and close.
yet the tears flow.
and when tears
come out,
hope makes it's way in.
it starts with the
tiniest light.
which becomes bright.
i still am weighted.
but the pain changes.

i think of the yarn
i threaded correctly
in a pattern with red
and green,
as i sit in a body
uncomfortable
not alone, a shell
hosting two beings.

the days are growing lighter,
and i heavier.
i cannot help but wish the
inevitable change would
come soon.
my body aches and it has
become hard not to curse.
and how blessed i should be
to feel this pain.